Sooo umms 2/17/11

Listening to: Justin Bieber – That Should Be Me <3

Yesterday I had one of my amazing days where nothing could bring me down. I really liked that feeling so I expected to get it again today. Well, I guess I came crashing back to earth. All today was, was stress stress stress. I DISLIKE it. aha, soo umms, yeah. Friends are emotional because they can be. Friends are concerned because they can be. I don’t mine friends being concerned, mad, or pissed at each other; I mean we’re all human right. Well, idk, I feel as if my friends are all drifting apart in so many different directions. I’m excited for next year, I mean come on, I’m gonna be a freakin sophomore next year. That is if I can pass my 3rd Quarter and Final exams. >.> Anyways, my fear for this school year. “That after this year, everything and everyone will just drift apart.” No longer will friends be just friends, or those boyfriends and girlfriends be together. I know people change and life gets all confusing, but I guess I’m just scared of the change part. I know change comes in all kinds of forms, but well, it’s those forms that freak me out the most. I mean like, when my brother got married, (it was April 10, 2010) he seems like a completely different person. He seems….older I guess? I love him, I mean, he’s my brother; but he scares me also. He seems controlling even though I know he just wants what he thinks is best for me and my little brother. Ever since my mom died 8 years ago, I think he thinks it’s his responsibility to look after us I guess. He’s a good brother, just, he scares me too. Nothing like fear to wake a person up into reality. Umms, I hope this fear is just me being paranoid. I don’t think I could take it if anything happens to the people I love. Love you.

Tris <3 (So much to say, and yet, not enough time to say it.)

Shhhhh It’s A Secret….

Listening to: Katy Perry – Who Am I Living For?

My 70-something grandmother has Alzheimer’s as some of you know, and pulmonary fibroses. (gahh that’s a mouthful.) It kinda hurts to hear her hallucinate like that. Sometimes, I wonder where she goes. Maybe one day, she’ll bring me along haha? Sooo umms, I read on Rai’s page (kinda freaked out when I saw his name on the online section o-o)  the things some of you put. It’s never easy to lose people, but hun, you have to stay strong. You probably know this already, but you never really know how important someone is until we lose them. I know first hand lol. Gahh I really wish I could just take everyone’s pain away, but then again, I start to think, ‘Would that make it any better?’, and I know it won’t. We need to go through pain so we can grow. Ya know, death may leave scars, but it teaches us to make everyday last. Suicide, one of the many dangers everyone can face is something that’s been happening since life on earth. It’s not that person’s fault that they took their own lives, but rather, the cards they were dealt. (my opinion) When I think of Lissy, Mel, Rob, and Melissa losing Rai, I kinda feel guilty, and saddened that I never really knew the guy. I mean yeah we had words, but…it’s not like what I have with some of you guys. I wish I knew him, but I don’t, and I regret it. I’m sorry to you guys who actually knew him. You loved him. I’m here for you anytime if you need me. Oh, and while I’m writing this, I guess I should just put this in here. I’m one of those people who will put his friends before himself just to make them happy, and to make sure they’re alright. Idk if that’s right, or if it even makes sense, but I do know that well, sometimes I wonder when my life will change. When I won’t have to put everyone before myself.(is that selfish?) I mean I want to be a good friend, but idk, I feel…abandoned by people? Idek. ummm I’m listening to Katy Perry’s song “Who Am I Living For?” as my meditation song you could say. (Meditation song: the song you pick to just contemplate on.) I just feel like I’m living for everybody else and not for myself. Existing you could say. I don’t want to exist to make people happy. I just want to live to enjoy life and have a few good friends to share it with. I don’t know if it’s right to bare my soul on here, but I.d.g.a.f. I’m not gonna bare my soul through my voice, I hate it. Speaking aloud is just not my thing. My mind can come up with some of the greatest thoughts in the world, but when I try to voice them, they come out all jumbled. Anywho, enough of my ranting, it’s getting old. ha, wait, here’s another thing. I don’t really complain all that much about stuff that would bother normal people, like say for instance, the little brother who eats your french fries xD or if I miss out on something, I don’t worry about it. I think to myself, “I’m young, and I have all the time in the world to do those things”, but hun, what if I’m wrong? idk, maybe I should start expressing more emotion, but then again; would that really need to happen? ha, my thoughts are so damn confusing. I’m sorry, whatever. >.>

Soooooo….learning

So I’m currently trying to learn html. Hmm just trying to remember basic codes and whatnot. Wait, ish this illgal on AP?  Pshhh who cares, I’m illegal on AP. bahahah I love this.

Trying Something

There’s always a time to play around in the sun.

Boom Boom Baby XD

http://www.flickr.com/photos/84568447@N00/4746845941/lightbox/

Another Update About The Update (About My Writing) xD

Listening to: Mat Musto – On The Line

So um, I’ve decided to only write down my poems in my journal when I have time. It’s just taking to long, and plus, I’m lazy xD So um, as of now, be ready to see some new material from me. I can’t wait to actually write something new.

This Webpage Makes Me Cry! D:

CLICKY:
http://www.lgbtqnation.com/tag/suicide/page/2/

One of the Most Thought Provoking Books I’ve Ever Read. o-o

Listening to: Mayday Parade – You Be the Anchor That Keeps My Feet on the Ground, I’ll Be The Wings To Keep Your Heart In The Clouds

So for school we started reading this autobiography about a holocaust survivor like, Tuesday maybe? It’s called Night. It’s by this guy named Elie Wiesel, it’s just…amazing. It makes me want to cry, and yet it angers me. It makes the world seem simple, and yet, just so damn complex. I mean, I can’t even imagine what he went through. You want it to be fiction, but you know it’s not. Babies being burned alive, mothers losing children, fathers sobbing in front of their families. It’s a good book, but for me, it hurts to read it. This whole thing happened because of a charismatic madman deemed on taking over the world. (cliché much?) I mean, it’s not like he could have done it, but like, it ALMOST became a reality. It’s scary. The story is just sad, desperate, and so many other things. It’s like looking into a mirror and comparing our  reflections with one of a nightmare we can’t even fathom. A Twilight Zone of reality. =/ Makes me want  challenge my life, my faith, and my past, present, and future.  Umm so I’m gonna finish it because I can’t put it down. A real masterpiece. =] You guys should read it, you might like it.

Another Update (About My Writing)

Listening to: Faster Faster – Matchsticks Don’t Make Men

Sooooo, the writing my journal thing is taking FOREVER. I should have thought this through. (ROFL just had a M.T.R.M. (Meet The Robinsons Moment xD)  Anywho, I’m gonna continue to copy down my poems into my journal. Umm here’s the list of poems you guys will see when I’m done. (I’ve been writing on my laptop too ^^)

. A Dream To Die For
. Angel In The Night
. Asleep In My Coffin
. Beat Me Into Submission
. Christmas
. Desolate King
. F.I.N.E
. Feelings Of The Heart
. Going Through The Motions
. Human Desire
. It’s Okay To Fall Apart Sometimes
. Little Brother’s Birthday
. Maryjane
. Me
. My Heart
. One By One
. Peace Is Just A Dream
. Take My Hand
. The Creation Of Man
. This Anniversary Is Dead
. Watching Time Pass By
. Why
 
So these you will see possibly in the near future haha, I hope anyway.
Umm school tomorrow, soooo ewww I no wanna go. (Yet, I kinda do =….= ) I really don’t wanna see my exam grades. D:

Bands :D

Faster Faster